WELCOME!
YES YOU!
Once every moon cycle, clinically anxious tech worker SAM Z transforms into CULTURE BOY, a fearless, nocturnal folk hero who scans the INFORMATION ZONE for books, movies, old TV, and other weird, old stuff in a quest to make sense of this big ol’ messy mess we call “the culture.” CULTURE BOY has been granted the power to swallow culture and, through an ancient alchemical process, regurgitate nutritional WISDOM GOO to feed the culture-hungry masses.
Perhaps he can’t help you answer these questions, but his WISDOM GOO will make you feel less alone.
And by WISDOM GOO I mean “monthly email newsletters.”
Join CULTURE BOY in his quest to find answers to questions like “What happened to my barber?” and “Why is there only one Hanukkah song?” and “Who actually wrote ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’?”
CULTURE BOY’S MANIFESTO
Culture should make us feel less lonely. Unfortunately, loneliness makes money.
Money does not drive culture but it certainly gives it a nudge.
Disagreement is not division.
Political art rarely works.
Originality is what we worship in great art.
Imitation, interpretation, reference, and remaking are not anti-original.
Every great work of art needs jokes. Life without jokes is death.
You can try to judge the art apart from the artist, but good luck getting through the comments section.
Anything can be art, but it doesn’t have to be.
Culture is made by people. If you are a person, you are making culture every moment you’re alive.
Free Subscribers
What You Get:
Monthly emails about stuff ranging from Nirvana to Barry White, Jim Davis the cartoon cat capitalist and monkey documentaries.
Biweekly community chats on culture instigated by CULTURE BOY.
Paid Subscribers
I’m really trying to build something here and if you want to be a part of it, I would thoroughly enjoy your support. As a paid subscriber, you get:
A platform to laugh at the free subscribers behind their backs
A nickname chosen by me that I will use to thank you with every time I thank paid subscribers
Access to my DMs in case you wanna “just chill”
Occasional Zoom calls I won’t let you know about until 5 minutes before they happen
A certificate from the University of Phoenix
As a side note, I’m glad you’re here in this boat with me. Otherwise I would just be a weird, lonely man in a boat.
Reviews!
“I support your work because I like your sense of humor.” - Mom
“You’re funny! Please untie me now!” - hostage
“Very cool and interesting guy.” - Co-worker I had coffee with once
“Excels at taking negative feedback with grace.” - Bi-annual performance review
If you can’t afford a paid subscription, I will subsidize one myself personally. I AM EXTREMELY GENEROUS. Email me at cultureboy@substack.com.
ARE YOU CONFUSED ABOUT ANY OF THE FOLLOWING?
WHICH of the eight thousand streaming services to start hemorrhaging money to?
WHAT Times Bestseller should you buy for your aunt?
WHY can’t Vulture be a little bit weirder?
HOW many hours of podcasting do you need before you can be done with podcasting?
CULTURE BOY is right there with you.
